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"Critique" of My Direct Sales Letter. (Pretty much PANNED)

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Here's the link. See for yourself:

http://awaimember.groupsite.com/discussion/topics/689032/messages?page=1#message-1149374

While I agree with some of the points, and I'm a little confused about the others. Lots to do to make it "fit the formula."
Going to let it sit for tonight. Tomorrow, I'll deal. AWAI has a TACTFUL way of telling you that for the most part, your letter sucks.
I did a lot of research for this letter and worked on the testimonials. No mention of that from the reviewer.

A lot of paragraph juggling going to happen.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Best,
Jill

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Hey Jill,
I just read your review - you're right, they sure had a lot of points! Sitting on it for at least a day will certainly help Smile

Happy New Year!
Jennifer

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3 Thank you, Jill on Sat Jan 02, 2016 11:31 am

Thank you for posting your Reviewer's critique. You were very brave for allowing us to read it. I learned a lot from reading it, and see where my Budget Brainiacs print package has fallen short.

I submitted my package yesterday -- and then realized that I didn't write any sub-headings! Also came up with a number of other (small) changes I want to make.

And I didn't write a "lift note."

So I'm sure my Reviewer will pan my work, too, and it'll be back to the drawing board for me, too.

All the best, Jill.

Kind regards,

Eve Heidi

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Hi, Eve Heidi. Today I will work on this. There are valid suggestions, but I don't agree with all of them. It's useful to remember that and not slavishly conform 100% to one reviewer's opinion. Though humbled (maybe even humiliated), I have to frame it all as part of the learning process.

One can never have enough drafts. . . and none of us are perfect.
Kindest,
Jill

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Anyone game to see my REVISION? I've spent time retooling (and agonizing over) it.  Every time I look at it, I change something. . .
Jill

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Sure, Jill, I'll take a look at the revision. I thought the critique was really well done and I'm glad you posted it because it's a great learning opportunity.

Feedback at our stage is crucial. I'll post one of my sales letters -- that I did for a client recently with my original headline and the one I substituted after getting feedback from a pro copywriter.

View user profile http://oscarhalpert.com (currently on ice)
I'd like to read your letter and the two versions of headlines. I want to LEARN! So please tell us where/when you've posted your letter.

Thanks and kind regards,

Eve Heidi

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Yes! I definitely want to take a look.

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9 How Do I Upload a doc? on Thu Jan 07, 2016 7:18 am

Can someone tell me how to upload a document from my computer/dropbox? This forum seems to be very link dependent.

View user profile http://oscarhalpert.com (currently on ice)
Still haven't figured THAT out. The best way around it-- not great but all we may have-- is to copy and paste.
Jill

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