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Please critique my Restauarant Letter

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1 Please critique my Restauarant Letter on Tue Dec 22, 2015 12:54 pm

Hi, folks, the formatting didn't come out okay, but here's the letter, anyway:

++++++++++++++++++

You deserve some TLC!

Dear Farah,

Since it took so long for you to recover from your fall, you deserve some TLC. (Because you're not a native English-speaker, let me explain that “TLC” means “Tender Loving Care.”)

Before your fall, when we were working on your book, you brought me so much food that I want to return the favor in the small way that I can.

Please join me at my favorite restaurant for breakfast: Village Inn. We both love breakfast any time of the day or night, and Village Inn serves breakfast all day, just for people like you and me.

I promise you, Village Inn will soon be your favorite restaurant for breakfast, too!

Village Inn is a family restaurant. I know you're very particular, so you'll be glad to see that it's spotlessly clean, and the wait staff hustles to provide top-notch service.

Once a month, my sister-in-law, Melanie, and I go to Village Inn, where I splurge on comfort food, while she enjoys a healthful, diet-friendly breakfast.

I always order the same thing because I love it so much:

  • a juicy beef patty, with Heinz ketchup and mustard on the side to make my own sauce that I spread on the patty
    a two-egg cheese omelet
    country potatoes (not greasy at all)
    and warm, cooked cinnamon apples for dessert

Mmm mmm, good! It keeps me going all day – I don't have to eat another meal the day I have breakfast at Village Inn. And because I “pig-out” only once a month, I never gain any weight.

Melanie usually sticks to her health-food no matter where she eats, so she often orders

  • a two-egg low-cholesterol omelet
    an unbuttered, toasted English muffin
    sliced tomatoes
    and fresh fruit.


When her order comes, she creates two open-faced sandwiches: she cuts the omelet in half, puts each half on an English muffin half, and tops them with tomato slices. Presto! Two delicious, diet-friendly, open-faced sandwiches. Then she enjoys her fresh fruit for dessert.

But you don't have to eat what we do. At Village Inn, the special “V.I.B.” breakfast lets you choose any four of 30 breakfast items to mix and match, to order your own, uniquely favorite breakfast.

Column 1 offers:

  • two eggs, any style
    two scrambled egg whites
    two-egg cheese omelet
    two-egg, low-cholesterol omelet with part-skim mozzarella
    two-egg white omelet with part-skim mozzarella.


Column 2 offers:

  • two hickory-smoked bacon strips
    two sausage links
    one sausage patty
    a quarter-pound burger patty
    two turkey sausage links.


Column 3 offers:

  • golden hash browns
    country potatoes
    Quaker oatmeal
    cottage cheese
    fresh fruit
    sliced tomatoes
    low-fat vanilla yogurt
    cinnamon apples
    applesauce
    biscuit with gravy
    toast
    English muffin
    bagel with cream cheese
    grits.


And Column 4 offers:

  • two pieces of French toast
    one-half waffle
    two buttermilk pancakes
    two multigrain pancakes
    two chocolate chip pancakes
    two cinnamon toast pancakes
    an orange blossom crêpe
    a strawberry crêpe.


You can choose more than one item from a column.

The combinations are endless!

And all this for only $7.79 per person! Since I have a limited income, I'm glad Village Inn is budget-friendly.

Melanie always finds a 20% off coupon in the newspaper, making it an even greater deal.

On Wednesdays, they give you each a free gift of a slice of your favorite pie. (Village Inn is famous for its pies.) Melanie and I are always too full to eat ours in the restaurant, so the server happily places them in to-go containers, for us to eat later – which we do!

Please join me at Village Inn for breakfast. My treat! And I'm sure it will be a treat for you, too.

Let's go this Wednesday (for the free slice of pie). I'll meet you at the 54th Street and L location at 10 AM.

Looking forward to giving you some well-deserved TLC this Wednesday.

Thank you and kind regards.

Eve Heidi

P.S. Every day Village Inn also offers a 10% Senior Discount!

P.P.S. Wear pants with a stretchy waistband so you have room for all the great food you'll be eating!

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2 Re: Please critique my Restauarant Letter on Wed Dec 23, 2015 11:57 am

Hi, Eve Heidi--

I have pasted your restaurant letter into a Word document for review later today or tomorrow. Would you like me to send you my comments privately, adapt them for sharing on this forum, or both? Congratulations on getting this assignment done! 

When were you planning on submitting this for AWAI review?

(You are such a nurturing person   queen.)
Kind regards Wink
Jill

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3 My Restaurant Letter on Wed Dec 23, 2015 12:47 pm

Dear Jill,

Thank you for agreeing to critique my restaurant letter.

I've revised it already, based on Jennifer's comments, so I'll paste it here for you.

Also, so you understand the reference in the new version, "Empress Farah," was the wife of the Shah of Iran, and my friend, Farah, is named after her.

Please reply privately.

So, here is my 1st revised version:

+++++++++++++++++++

You deserve some TLC!

Dear Farah,

Since it took so long for you to recover from your fall, you deserve some TLC. (Because you're not a native English-speaker, let me explain that “TLC” means “Tender Loving Care.”)

Before your fall, when we were working on your book, you brought me so much food that I want to return the favor in the small way that I can.

Please join me at my favorite restaurant for breakfast: Village Inn. We both love breakfast any time of the day or night, and Village Inn serves breakfast all day, just for people like you and me.

I promise you, Village Inn will soon be your favorite restaurant for breakfast, too!

The TLC starts when you walk in the door. Village Inn is a warm, inviting, family restaurant. I know you're very particular, so you'll be glad to see that it's spotlessly clean, and the wait staff hustles to provide top-notch service. They make you feel valued to be there.

Once a month, my sister-in-law, Melanie, and I go to Village Inn, where I splurge on comfort food, while she enjoys a healthful, diet-friendly breakfast.

I always order the same thing because I love it so much:

  • a juicy beef patty, with Heinz ketchup and mustard on the side to make my own sauce that I spread on the patty
    a two-egg cheese omelet
    country potatoes (not greasy at all)
    and warm, cooked cinnamon apples for dessert.

Mmm mmm, good! It keeps me going all day – I don't have to eat another meal the day I have breakfast at Village Inn. And because I “pig-out” only once a month, I never gain any weight.

Melanie usually sticks to her health-food no matter where she eats, so she often orders

  • a two-egg low-cholesterol omelet
    an unbuttered, toasted English muffin
    sliced tomatoes
    and fresh fruit.

When her order comes, she creates two open-faced sandwiches: she cuts the omelet in half, puts each half on an English muffin half, and tops them with tomato slices. Presto! Two delicious, diet-friendly, open-faced sandwiches. Then she enjoys her fresh fruit for dessert.

But you don't have to eat what we do. At Village Inn, the special “V.I.B.” breakfast lets you choose any four of 30 breakfast items to mix and match, to order your own, uniquely favorite breakfast.

Column 1 offers:

  • two eggs, any style
    two scrambled egg whites
    two-egg cheese omelet
    two-egg, low-cholesterol omelet with part-skim mozzarella
    two-egg white omelet with part-skim mozzarella

.

Column 2 offers:

  • two hickory-smoked bacon strips
    two sausage links
    one sausage patty
    a quarter-pound burger patty
    two turkey sausage links

.

Column 3 offers:

  • golden hash browns
    country potatoes
    Quaker oatmeal
    cottage cheese
    fresh fruit
    sliced tomatoes
    low-fat vanilla yogurt
    cinnamon apples
    applesauce
    biscuit with gravy
    toast
    English muffin
    bagel with cream cheese
    grits.


And Column 4 offers:

  • two pieces of French toast
    one-half waffle
    two buttermilk pancakes
    two multigrain pancakes
    two chocolate chip pancakes
    two cinnamon toast pancakes
    an orange blossom crêpe
    a strawberry crêpe.


You can choose more than one item from a column.

The combinations are endless! This is one of the biggest parts of the TLC: you have so many choices, you'll be spoiled, and feel like Empress Farah!

And all this for only $7.79 per person! Since I have a limited income, I'm glad Village Inn is budget-friendly.

Melanie always finds a 20% off coupon in the newspaper, making it an even greater deal.

On Wednesdays, they give you each a free gift of a slice of your favorite pie. (Village Inn is famous for its pies.) More TLC! Melanie and I are always too full to eat ours in the restaurant, so the server happily places them in to-go containers, for us to eat later – which we do!

And the biggest part of the TLC is that we can sit together in a private booth and talk, talk, talk. I'm a very sympathetic listener, and you can “unload” and tell me all about your accident and experiences in rehab.

Please join me at Village Inn for breakfast so I can welcome you back to enjoyable living with TLC. My treat! And I'm sure it will be a treat for you, too.

Let's go this Wednesday (for the free slice of pie). I'll meet you at the 54th Street and L location at 10 AM.

Looking forward to giving you some well-deserved TLC this Wednesday.

Thank you and kind regards.

Eve Heidi

P.S. Every day Village Inn also offers a 10% Senior Discount!

P.P.S. Wear pants with a stretchy waistband so you have room for all the great food you'll be eating!

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4 Re: Please critique my Restauarant Letter on Wed Dec 23, 2015 1:14 pm

I will do my review on your revised version and send it to you privately. I'm not 100% sure about the "Empress Farah" allusion, especially if you have to explain it to your audience. Maybe if you added "your namesake," it would be clearer.

BTW, as per Kevin's request, for reference I have posted my "final" restaurant review on this forum topic Restaurant Review.

Kind regards back,
Jill

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5 Love your Letter on Thu Dec 24, 2015 3:09 am

Jill love your Letter,can't wait to go in the kitchen to eat breakfast. This letter made me want to cook early today. I was already hungry when I woke up, after reading your Letter I will definitely eat breakfast 2 hours early today. Hope my letter is as good as yours. I didn't look at names, I was to busy looking at the menu! Mella

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6 Re: Please critique my Restauarant Letter on Thu Dec 24, 2015 3:11 am

Sorry Heidi, great letter, think I better go eat breakfast. Mella

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7 Resturaunt letter Review on Fri Dec 25, 2015 2:09 pm

It's a little unclear to me whether this letter is written to an individual or as a general promotion.

It starts off clearly addressed to a certain individual who experienced a fall accident, although the details of this are unclear.

The language describing the restaurant is FABULOUS and I want to eat breakfast there already just reading it.

The menu items and there instructions are good, but that's something I would expect to see in the restaurant when I get there, or at least in a separate promotional document. While well written, this section seems superfluous in a document intended for an individual.




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8 Re: Please critique my Restauarant Letter on Mon Dec 28, 2015 3:07 pm

Ideally, it functions as BOTH (tho' ostensibly to an individual, as per instructions).

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